July 16, 2011

To Harry Potter... The Boy Who Lived!

  An ode by a fan



It all ends...or  so it says on a series of character posters for Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows part 2.
Now i don’t need to whine about how it’s going to be an emotional moment for me and all, coz everyone knows that already.
Hence, i think it would be better to celebrate the end, with a recollection of my fascinating journey into the world of MAGIC!  Mine, which has been quite interesting, now when I  recall it.

warning:  I'll try to be as short as possible, But  this is going to be long, coz thats how Love Stories are :)


Prologue.

Although i consider myself to be one of the most diehard fans in the wizarding world, i started off quite late. Infact, i didnt grow up along with the protagonists, as most of the real affectionados have.  My introduction happened when i was just about to pass out of school, January 2005 to be more precise .  Before that, even though i was one of the most dedicated visitor to the library, i was somehow unaware of the potter phenomenon. I just knew from a couple of newspaper reports that a certain boy wizard's stories have spellbound the world, but didn't get into the details, usually ignored it altogether.

Then one day, I was encouraged by my friends to bunk school to catch a hollywood movie Van Helsing, my first at a multiplex. Now that event demands an entire post to explain, but in a nutshell, that day i understood what hollywood people meant by  the caption "Only in Theatres"!  A cinephile was born that day.

Part 2.


After that fateful day changed my cinema-life forever, i was itching for more.  And off came the news from  school circles  that Harry Potter 3 (six months after its theatrical release) was playing in morning show!  We ran off there the very next day, to find out to our surprise that it was actually film 2, not 3. I was happier for being closer to the beginning of the story, having missed only film 1  (Half blood prince  book was about to be released!).   
The film started, and with that huge golden WB logo, every aspect of the story/film captured my attention, and...the seed had been sown, the infant cinephile had turned into a potterfan.




Part 3 :

A couple of months later, i finished my school exams, and while coming out of an engineering entrance exam centre, bought Prisoner of Azkaban book, finished it off the same day and ran off to the earlier described friend to see its film version. We went to his cousin's place, saw it on VCD.  
I  enjoyed the fact that i was predicting each scene before it happened onscreen, filled up the details of the story not included in the screenplay and got appreciation from the friends' cousins, and satisfaction by me. 
But i hated the film too much for not adhering to the book storyline.
This has been the biggest grouse for all the booklovers all over, but with time i understood better and Prisoner of Azkaban became my favorite movie in the franchise!

Anyways, that day we realised that we needed a DVD player, and now i realise, that my friend referenced above till now, Ankush, had become my first and most passionate cinema buddy, passionate of the kind that people referred to both of us as Movie Maniacs!

So, we bought identical DVD players and needless to say, the first DVD I bought, was Harry potter 1/2/3 and saw all of them back to back in one night. At one moment, my mother asked me what this strange creature was. "Thats a Hippogriff", told my father!

And by now i had remembered all the books almost chapter by chapter, plus each and every dialogue in the films in both English & Hindi. The Hindi dubbed dialogues were more humorous at times, but due to the affinity for the books, i chose watching the English versions hereafter.

Part 4/6/5:

 Meanwhile, every week i was buying a new book and finishing it stealthily during nights, as i was supposed to be preparing for engineering exams.  My long sized physics/chemistry books came in handy to camouflage the shorter potter books.  Several times in  the coaching class, people found me suffering from intense backache (due to sitting in chair the whole night, reading u know what).

I finished Goblet of fire, went to buy Order of phoenix (which was out of stock), returned home with the newly released Half Blood Prince and became perhaps the only person to  skip an entire harry potter book.
The very next week, i sent Ankush, who brought me Order of the Phoenix and finally i was up and ready, fully acquainted with every published detail about the hogwarts world till date.



Movie 4 released and i went for it  with ex-school friends group. The hindi movie experience was a disaster due to bad cinema hall. I somewhat cried.
Luckily, just a week after that, an IMAX theatre debuted in Delhi, and hope for redemption was back.
I told Ankush this news after a dull session of physics coaching class, who readily agreed and now we had to plan and execute an escape during the 15 minutes break before the math class. We wrote an application to be allowed to leave early to collect some crucial certificates from school, got it approved from the ever suspecting incharge (she hinted that our parents will be informed to cross check. I was horrified but put up a straight face and said: "Cool" !), borrowed 500 bucks from another friend, and voila. We were onboard the Metro train that crosses the entire Delhi city from westend to beyond east, into Uttar Pradesh. Murphy's law applied its full power in delivering every obstacle possible, and we reached full 20 mins after...

                        ... "the sow has started". 
said the Box Office clerk.  (yes, he said S(h)ow! )

I and Ankush:          " whatever".
clerk:                     " Rs. 200 each".
I:                           " but the newspaper said admission is Rs. 170".
Clerk:                     " thats +30 for weekends.
I:                 (fuck)  " Whatever".


We ran to the Audi,  the usher escorted us upto the entrance, opened it, and in we entered to get the first IMAX experience of our life!

I looked around in every direction, trying to figure out where the famed screen was. Up, down(just a figure of speech!), left, right . Nowhere to be seen. Only the sound of the impostor Prof. Moody explaining the unforgivable curses. Then it dawned upon me, why they called it the IMAX Experience®. The entire wall alongside which i was walking, was the screen, way up above my head. After i reached my seat on the other end of that screen (the scene was over till then!), i was speechless and Ankush had only one word to say : GORGEOUS!

Film 5/6.

I joined college, Ankush got drifted away from potter world because of being in another college, and i met Kartik: my equally fanatic potter Friend. Together we saw films 5/6,  and won the University Harry Potter quiz, tied at the first place with a mean looking/behaving law guy (probably a Slytherin). 
Some batchmates respected us for that, some made fun (harry potter? so childish, ha ha ha.... and stuff like that !)
I just said:  god forgive them, for they know not, poor they.

From Kartik i got Books 1/2 and completed my  course in official paperback!


Later i discovered Shantu, a self made connoisseur of cinema, who became a equally good cinema buddy, but his sole interest in HP series would be Emma 'Granger' Watson (since movie 4 !).

I also met 'Pandey', who later went on to become the greatest fan of the Hindi version of Harry Potter (my equal, if not greater). He passionately read the complete gist of the books on Wikipedia first, and later on, the books too. But we share a unique camaraderie over the like for epic hindi dubbed Dialogues in the film series.
At this point, i would like to share one brief video, which for me is an example of how excellently people in India, across boundaries, have accepted harry to be their own and made it close to their heart. Plus the voice dubbing team has done a great, sincere job. Respects.


One of the better videos for the series as such, would however, be THIS.

Book 7

Finally the readers' equivalent of this day (15 july 2011) arrived, and i told Kartik how to buy the Deathly Hallows book online with his Dad's credit card(!) and get it delevered at 6 AM. Whilst reading it first, he kept giving me regular updates via sms, and i never missed replying to all those sms'es with a 'fuck u'.

And then we grieved the end of the story, celebrated the end of He Who Must Not Be Named, waited for the ultimate film to arrive. And a couple of more things happened.

We went for a last harry potter quiz of college life, to win alone this time and defeate that mean Slytherin guy if he dared come.
He did come, but ultimately a couple of Ravenclaws won (with cheating, of course!) and we were shattered.

Also, the lone IMAX theatre in North India closed down. (I still haven't  fully recoverd from that loss, plus not forgiven Shantu who had declined to go see the last film that played there- Spiderman 3)
When Michael Bay shot portions of Transformers 2 using IMAX cameras, i made a pact with Ankush, that if we get decent Jobs by then, we will travel all the way to Mumbai to catch The Deathly Hallows in IMAX 3D !


Epilogue: 

Now, all  us friends are planning to bring closure to the Saga, or as the trailer says "The movie event of a generation". They don't really get it, its much more than that.

I on my part, am going to witness it both in English and Hindi, 3D and 2D.

Pandey will of course be catching a Hindi version, wherever it plays in South India!

Both me and Ankush have got decent jobs in the same reputed company, but going to Mumbai will not be possible due to my 'decent' job. Nonetheless, he forgot the pact long ago, i had to remind him on facebook!

After posting this, i going to see the Hindi version in Lucknow. Hoping to get the English 3D one at the Best 3D cinema screen in Delhi, along with Kartik, who has promised to wait for me till i arrive in Delhi. Lets see! 

Shantu is longing to see Hermionee one last time, without further ado. Hence i'll not withhold him from having that pleasure any longer.



So, that brings me here again, actually whining about how it is an emotional moment for me, particularly with that 1st year photo above, which makes a recap of all those 7 years' adventures play before me in a jiffy,
and brings about a flurry of emotions, almost close to cr.....

...naaah, its just something in my eyes!



                                One final  ode .... 
                          To Harry Potter,  the BOY WHO LIVED!


























July 25, 2010

Presenting...... "The Abridged Bollywood Script" :



                       There is this wonderful truly amazing website called The Editing Room. Its author Rod, specializes in what he calls The Abridged Scripts
These abridged scripts are essentially miniature scripts having a satirical take on the blatant stupidity prevalent in popular Hollywood.
In-fact, he proudly proclaims on his Twitter page - Hollywood Sucks!


To which my obvious reply is - "Dude, you have no idea of Bollywood" !


That aside, i sincerely wished to bring his wonderful initiative to India. For that, first i needed a subject/victim. As there is no dearth of eligible films in our country, it turned out to be a fairly mammoth choice.
Fortunately, few weeks ago, makers of a hugely popular/acclaimed film decided to come out with the screenplay of their great work, in the form of a book.

Hence, i got my direction, which eventually leads to :





Read on.........   No Offense(s) :)

3 Idiots - The Abridged Bollywood Script



FADE IN:


As playing most of or at least half of the film in flashback is in vogue these days, we too start from a few minutes of unrealistic funny scenes and.....


INSERT FLASHBACK:

Joining the new college. After introduction of the Hero showcasing his extraordinary talent above others (by conducting electricity through pee), CUT TO-
see, we hang out atop the water tank, not on the institute roof. Ours was always an original story!


EXT. HOSTEL BUILDING
                                                                    RAHUL KUMAR
                            The principal is coming to deliver his annual intro lecture to the first 
                            years. Attention.
                    
                                                                    R MADHAVAN
                             Is he nuts? I mean, in the hostel compound, with students in their 
                             early morning worst state? Couldn't he settle for an Auditorium or  
                             something?

                                                                    RAHUL KUMAR
                              The character is supposed to be crazy & brilliant, okay?


Enters the Princi, & starts with an over exaggerated account of the Cuckoos' eggs story.

                                                                     R MADHAVAN
                               I get it there is stiff competition, but did you really assemble all 
                               those 4 lakh(or so) application forms of aspiring students?

                                                                     BOMAN IRANI
                               Wait till i show u guys my special NASA astronauts' pen.

                                                                      SHARMAN JOSHI
                               Hey, isn't that NASA joke been told like, a million times since we      
                               were kids. I thought engg college would have some higher standards.

Meanwhile, throughout this lecture, Amir Khan makes stupid childish face gestures, which no student of even a toddlers’ home can copy.

                                                                       AMIR KHAN
(thinking): Since our princi doesnt seem to know this joke, i can play the hero (even though every other student & audience also know it).
                               Why did they not use a pencil?

                                                                        BOMAN IRANI
                                Fuck You.


EXT. COLLEGE BUILDING
                           
                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                               The food is horrible here, lets break into any random wedding party 
                               which will surely happen to be of the Princi's daughter.

                                                                        R MADHAVAN, SHARMAN JOSHI
                               Jahanpanaah, tussi great ho…..

                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                              But we'll go there en-route your guys’ homes to make shameless 
                              distasteful fun of someone's poverty and disability.

So, after making shameless distasteful fun of someone's poverty and disability, CUT TO-

INT. Wedding Venue

                                                                        AMIR KHAN
(playing more hero, making fun of well settled, hardworking, deserving persons)
                              I’m making a stupid inverter rip-off to power wedding parties by car 
                              batteries.
                              And i also somewhat impressed the other daughter!


INT. COLLEGE
Exams are here.
                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                              Dont worry, we'll pass with flying colors.

                                                                        SHARMAN JOSHI
                              It’s you who is the hero, not me. So i need to study, we split. Bye.

INT. AUDI
Exams over.
                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                               Now i'll make fun of a hardworking studious guy in front of the 
                               entire college, for no apparent fault of his.

                                                                        R MADHAVAN
                              Taking advantage of his poor regional language skills? Isn’t this the 
                              legal definition of discrimination on the basis of language spoken?

                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                              No one will think about this aspect. The audience will be busy 
                               laughing.

                                                                        OMI VAIDYA
                              But why me?

                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                               Don’t you remember, this is a flashback? We need you to be pissed 
                               off to create that plot.

The guy is successfully pissed.

INT HOSPITAL

The Hero finally impresses the other daughter by taking a friends' dad to hospital, coz other regular guys would never do that!
As a by-product, the friend also reunites with him.

EXT. COLLEGE PREMISES
Results Declared.

                                                                       R MADHAVAN
                                        We barely passed.

                                                                       SHARMAN JOSHI
                                        Cheer up! Isn’t it unexpected that we did? 
                                         But hang on, Amir Khan topped.

                                                                        R MADHAVAN
                                         What The F! How could he?
                                         This film is supposed to blame each n everything on the bad
                                          system of education in India.
                                          Then if a talented, brilliant, barely studying guy tops the 
                                          exams instead of a hardworking, stupid mugger; the system 
                                          should be kick-ass, instead of being sucked up. Right?

                                                                         VIDHU VINOD Ch***a 
                                                                     (in front of TV camera)
                                         This is my story, I have bought the rights, You havn't read the
                                          book. Shut up, Shut up, Shut up.

                                                                        SCREEN WRITERS
                                                                        (behind camera)
                                         Madhavan, ignore him. What was the film’s title, again?

                                                                         R MADHAVAN
                                         Oh, I get it.

EXT. BASE OF THE WATER TANK

                                                                         R MADHAVAN, SHARMAN JOSHI
                                         Why the hell do we get below average marks?

                                                                         AMIR KHAN
                                         Coz you wanted to be a photographer & don’t have the 
                                          skill/desire to be an engineer,
                                          and you are afraid of failing, respectively.

                                                                        R MADHAVAN, SHARMAN JOSHI
                                         Oblivious of the fact that we managed to secure a birth in 
                                          this college out of the 4 lakh(or so) best youngsters in the
                                          country, as explained in the opening lecture?

                                                                        AMIR KHAN
                                         Whatever.
                                          Lets go sneaking up to the Princi's daughter's room.

                                                                        SHARMAN JOSHI
                                          But u just explained I'm too afraid even while studying. Then 
                                         where do i get the courage to pee on princi's home address  
                                         plate?

INT. PRINCIPAL OFFICE
                                                                         BOMAN IRANI
                                         You have been caught for last night’s offence. You either 
                                         report against Amir Khan or i expel you.
                 
                                                                          SHARMAN JOSHI
                                          I'd rather try to commit suicide, so that when i eventually 
                                          recover, u'll automatically forgive all three of us.

                                                                          BOMAN IRANI
                                          Well doesn’t sound like me, but if you say so, Deal.

INT. HOSPITAL
After Recovering from the multiple injuries,

                                                                          R MADHAVAN
                                          Job interviews are today. Take my Tie.

                                                                          SHARMAN JOSHI
                                           Ain’t you coming?

                                                                         R MADHAVAN
                                           I've decided to be a photographer.

                                                                         SHARMAN JOSHI
                                           But after u tolerated 4 years, at least u can appear for the 
                                           interview. Then do whatever u want.

                                                                         R MADHAVAN
                                           But that won’t look half as adventurous. Plus i too get to 
                                           play the hero for a scene!


INT. COLLEGE
After The Scene & a highly unrealistic interview,

                                                                       R MADHAVAN, SHARMAN JOSHI
                                         Jahanpanaah, tussi great ho....

                                                                       KAREENA KAPOOR
                                         It was they who rose up to the challenge. why are they 
                                         kneeling to you?

                                                                       AMIR KHAN
                                         The heroine who gets only a couple of scenes will never 
                                          understand what it takes to show the audience who is 
                                          actually the hero.


INT. PRINCI's HOME

                                                                      BOMAN IRANI
                                          He might have landed a job, but i'll never let that poor guy 
                                          pass the final exams. I'll set up the most difficult question 
                                          paper ever.

                                                                      KAREENA KAPOOR
                                          But that will be same for all the students. What personal 
                                          disadvantage will the poor guy suffer?

                                                                      BOMAN IRANI
                                         Maybe u'll chicken out and tell those 3 to barge into my office 
                                        & get caught?

                                                                       KAREENA KAPOOR
                                          Anything for increasing my bit of role in the film!


INT. HOSTEL ROOM
They do get caught.
                                                                      BOMAN IRANI
                                        To escape prison, you 3 will leave the colz first thing in the 
                                         morning.

                                                                       AMIR KHAN
                                        Poor guy! If only he knew that his first daughter will get into 
                                        labour pain, city drains overflow, roads get closed & 
                                        emergency services stalled, all on this very fateful night.

                                                                      R MADHAVAN
                                        And then u'll do the ultimate hero act with the help of your 
                                        indigenously built machine (whose cheap imitation is popularly 
                                        known as UPS/Inverter) & Orkut®™ video chat.

                                                                      KAREENA KAPOOR
                                        Cool! plus i get another scene, although on a video chat, 
                                        which Orkut®™ will try to publicize so much.

                                                                     SHARMAN JOSHI
                                       To no effect. Most people would still prefer Facebook®™.

                                                                     AMIR KHAN
                                      Guys, u forgot i also have to make a still born baby come alive 
                                      after a full 2 minutes, just by muttering some stupid 
                                      theme/slogan/incantation.

                                                                    R MADHAVAN
                                     Thanks for reminding. And the vacuum cleaner too. Still, all is well....

(Afterwards)
EXT. EXIT GATE

                                                                     BOMAN IRANI
                                    U really are a genius. Here, take my NASA pen.

                                                                      AMIR KHAN
                                    Fuck you. I'm going to Laddakh, and will make do with my pencil.
                                    Coz, I’m a proxy student here, earning a proxy degree for my    
                                    poor family’s employer’s illiterate son.

Finally, the college ends.
FLASHBACK END.

(INTERMISSION)
                                                                    AUDIENCE (in front of screen)
                                    Hey didn’t the book end here?

                                                                    SCREEN WRITERS
                                    Told ya, it’s not inspired by the book. We’ve added some 
                                     indigenous  crap to it.

                                                                     VIDHU VINOD Ch***a 
                                                                   (in front of TV camera)
                                     This is my story, I have bought the rights, You haven’t read the 
                                     book. Shut up, Shut up, Shut up.

Warning: the following portion contains fresh original story.
(SECOND HALF STARTS)

EXT. ROAD TO LADDAKH
                                                   
                                                                      OMI VAIDYA
                                     I have an important meeting, but meanwhile, to make fun of 
                                     Amir Khan, I'll take u guys to find him.

                                                                      R MADHAVAN
                                    Let me check on for Kareena. She should have a couple of scenes 
                                     more.

                                                                      SHARMAN JOSHI
                                    Oops! She's getting married today.

                                                                      R MADHAVAN
                                   So how do we make her run away?

                                                                      SHARMAN JOSHI
                                  Maybe for some strange reason, the groom would be waiting for his
                                 wedding shervaani to be ironed at the last minute. I'll somehow get
                                 hold of that, and in his disguise manage to run with her.
                                                                      R MADHAVAN
                                 Full filmy style. Bingo!


EXT. LADDAKH
After successfully making her run away ,They meet Amir.
                                                                      OMI VAIDYA
                                  I admit you are of extraordinary brilliance, & I, the 
                                  hardworking guy, am worthless.
                              Take my bow.

                                                                      R MADHAVAN
                                  Strangely Amir, your actual (N-E Indian) name doesn't exactly match
                                  up to your ethnic looks. But, whatever....


(END CREDITS ROLLING)
                                                                      CHETAN BHAGAT
                                  Hey, you have obscured my name after all the supporting cast & crew!

                                                                      VIDHU VINOD Ch***a 
                                                                     (in front of TV camera)
                                   This is my story, I have bought the rights, You havn't read the 
                                    book. Shut up,Shut up,Shut up.

                                                                      AUDIENCE 1
                                    No one's gonna buy this horseshit of a script.
                                                            
                                                                      AUDIENCE 2
                                    Especially after we have already been fooled into making this
                                    film gross over INR 300 crore globally.
                                    That reminds me, wasn’t the movie supposed to be up on 
                                    YouTube™ after 12 weeks of release?

                                                                    VIDHU VINOD Ch***a
                                    They trust me, Dumb Fucks!            (© Mark Zuckerberg)

                                                                    AUDIENCE 3
                                    Guys! Forget buying. No one's gonna read it even for free….
                                                            
                                                                    AUDIENCE 1
                                 ….You never know. Some workless worthless bloke might actually 
                                     read it over the internet.

                                                                   The Abridged ScriptWriter
                                   Gotcha!!!

                                                                                                               FADE OUT.
                                                   
                                                                The End.





Bookmark and Share